Transparency. June 28, 2015.

June 28, 2015

I know it may seem cliche to say that now that I have cancer I take notice of the things that I took for granted before. But I don’t care, it’s true. I stood in the middle of camp and stared at the trees and at the sky. Pine trees just have this majestic feel about them, tall and strong, not swayed by much, they are an example to me of how I want to be throughout this battle. I want to be tall, strong and I want to have a faith that is not swayed by this, instead I want a faith that can grow stronger because of it. I also have taken the time to listen. To sit and listen to the people I love laugh and share memories, to listen to a room full of people praise God, to listen and absorb all the beauty that the Lord created for us.

It’s okay to be scared. I have to remind myself because sometimes I feel like I can and only should be brave all the time and show people that I’m okay. Just because I’m scared doesn’t mean I don’t have faith. Just because you are a Christian doesn’t mean your life is going to be easy and perfect.

 “Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

My Mom prayed a prayer earlier and it served as a really good reminder to me. She said “Lord help me in my unbelief, help me see that we are so blessed that you have chosen us to suffer for you.” Or something like that. When I was younger I never understood that idea. The idea that we should find joy in suffering. I used to think, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” or “Why does a loving God want us to suffer?” or “This isn’t fair, why me?”  And although those are all normal questions, I haven’t asked them. The Lord has prepared me and shown me that trials are to be celebrated. That something bigger and better is coming and that he never gives us anything that we can’t handle. I’m not mad at God. I was thinking about the scene from a “Walk to Remember” earlier where Jamie is crying and tells Landon, “It’s okay to be mad at God.” And I thought to myself, I’m not mad at Him. He has given me so much peace and He has given me reasons to find and seek joy in Him.

He makes me brave, He makes me brave, and everyone should take a listen to that song. I first heard it sung by Courtney, a worship leader at Moody and the passion in which she sings that song rings over and over in my head. Songs are amazing. The lyrics have the power to move you and comfort you. What a blessing music is and I appreciate it so much.

One last thing from today, the Lord taught me the importance of transparency. Everyone always tries to hide their struggles, hide their flaws, and make it seem like they have it all together. I wonder how far that gets people. I know for me the times when I’ve been honest about my life I find that others can join me in my struggle and support me, encourage me, relate to me, and just love me. You can help others by being transparent and it’s biblical to do so. God didn’t give us trials to walk them alone. I’ve been blessed by being open about my battle with cancer. The response to the blog has been so encouraging and awesome! Please continue to let me know how you are feeling and please be challenged to share your struggles and allow others to learn from you or be there for you.