The Superpower of Impatience. September 2, 2015.

September 2, 2015.

So now I absolutely can’t eat solid food, I tried eating a banana today and it felt like I was swallowing razor blades! So if anyone knows of a place in Seattle with a killer soup selection, I’m all ears!

Today was a day of learning about patience. Why is patience such a hard concept for some of us? And why is it really easy in some areas and on some days but not others? My patience was tested today, boy was it tested. I arrived at my appointment at 3:15 like normal and they took me back to put on my mask and get me ready. Well the first time my neck didn’t curve right, so all the tape and snaps had to come off and they had to redo it. 2 times, 3 times, 6 times, and two hours later. At first I have an easy time being patient, it has to be done perfect and I understand that they are doing their best. Then I can feel them getting impatient, gosh I would too! I mean I would have given up and probably said some choice words. The entire time I was laying on the table I played it over and over in my mind, how does getting impatient and mad help anything? 

This is an honest struggle for me! It doesn’t speed up time, it doesn’t change the order of things, in fact it makes the whole situation worse. So I tried to keep a smile on my face and pray that the Lord would give me extra patience as the mask was pushed on and off my face over and over again. Then I finally get done and all I want to do is leave and my Sister was supposed to pick us up. Traffic, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, and hour goes by. This time I didn’t pray, there were no deep breaths or smiles, I lost my patience. I got mad and frustrated and I spent the hour watching the clock as if it would speed up time. Frustration turned to anger, anger turned to hate, hate to bitterness, you choose the order but a lot of sinning went down and for what? Did it help? Did it make the traffic magically disappear? No. So now as I sit and wait I write this in conviction. I am choosing to use this time for something good, I am taking advantage of the time I have to sit and I can tell you what, it feels a lot better than being impatient! Cancer has given me a lot of perspective, one being life is short. We need to spend more time enjoying the moments and less time being rushed, mad, frustrated, and impatient. We are a go go go culture and we get annoyed when things don't go our way! I should be feeling blessed that the doctors would take the time to get my mask right, I should feel grateful to even own a car, and I should cherish this time I have to sit in a nice doctor's office and be with my beautiful cousin! Perspective, it's a wonderful thing. 

So my challenge today is to find a moment that you can easily become impatient, during a traffic jam, a long office meeting, as you wait for your child to get out of soccer practice, whatever your situation is, find something good to do during that time instead of letting your impatience turn into bitterness and anger. Because impatience isn’t a superpower! You aren't going to magically make things change, you aren’t helping or changing anything so why do it? 

The picture shows my current radiation burn. Not the best looking thing but it's working!