Beautiful People. July 8, 2015.

July 8, 2015

I’m home! If any of you want to stop by the house Saturday from 6pm-9pm I’d love to have visitors! If you don’t have my address and want it just message me. It feels so good to have a few days to rest in my own bed and surround myself with more people that I love. I used to hate this town (Klamath Falls, OR) but now that I’ve lived elsewhere I have gained a new appreciation for the small town feel and beauty of my home. My parents are really amazing and they have an entire organic farm. Mom is in heaven being back home where she can pump me full of all the veggies she and my Dad have worked hard on growing and lots of organic eggs from our chickens. As much as I moan and groan about all the juices, smoothies, fermented carrots, and not getting to have carbs or gummy worms, I really have noticed a difference. I feel like eating a nutritious, organic diet has benefited me in that I don’t have headaches, I don’t get any kind of bloating, I don’t ever feel like I’m in a food coma, and I actually think my hair and skin feel better! Many people have talked about how much your diet affects your everyday life and how it especially affects your Cancer journey. Many people say that after changing their diet they have either cured themselves of Cancer or they have at least made their situation a lot easier. I also want to point out that I am really grateful that my Mom has put so much time and energy in feeding me a healthy diet. Although I am a total drama queen it has been a good transition and I hope to continue this lifestyle and I encourage you to look into it as well!

I got to see my Grammy and Aunt Sherise last night. I have been so blessed to grow up with strong women in my life who are not only role models to me but really my best friends. They told me about this really awesome moment they had when my Aunt Jen, Aunt Sherise, and Grammy just shared a good cry together. That brings so much joy to my heart. I want you guys to know that I actually like hearing about those moments. Not that I’m thinking “Awe they are crying for me because they love me that much.” That’s not why it brings me joy. It brings me joy because moments shared like that are beautiful moments. Crying is the most vulnerable state a person can be in and sharing that with others, that moment when all your walls are down and you truly feel loved as the other person embraces and comforts you, those are the times that bring us together. Those are the times when we are transparent and authentic. It doesn’t make me sad or give me the wrong idea when you share those moments with me, or when you take that moment with me.  Like I mentioned before, I don’t need anyone “being strong” for me. I need people to be real with me. Tell me how you feel! Many people have told me that they appreciate that I’m raw and vulnerable in my blog, well just like people appreciate that, I appreciate that too. Worst case scenario is that Cancer is going to kill me. I know that and I’ve accepted it. I have peace in God’s plan and seeing the ones I love, or the even seeing strangers allow this to bring them closer together gives me joy. And that is what I want to look back on, not the times when everyone held it together and kept their “cool” for me. This is part of the fruit guys! The Lord has blessed me enough to allow me to see the fruit of my trial. People coming together in authentic fellowship, leaning on Christ, growing their faith, loving themselves and others with a Christ-like love, that’s what this is about. And at the end of the day I have a reason to smile in the midst of all this.

A beautiful journal was donated to me recently and a quote was marked in it that read,

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

This quote is something magnificent in all its truth. I started thinking of every example of someone I would consider a beautiful person. Esther for example in the bible, I always admired her for her strength and what do you know, she found her way out of the depths or suffering, and loss for sure. I would say that every person in the Bible including Christ himself knew loss, suffering, defeat, and rose from the depths of every struggle. The key point here being “found her way out of the depths” notice how beautiful people aren’t a product of sitting in your loss, defeat, or suffering, or ignoring it, or running from it, FIND YOUR WAY OUT. Now I really don’t know how people hope to do this without faith, I think of it like Jesus guides me out. Without him I’d be stuck. We all have the chance to be beautiful people. Choose to find your way out, choose to let your struggles define you in a good way. Seek help from Christ you guys, He will never leave you stranded, He will always guide you out of the dark. Beautiful people don’t just happen.

Quick update/praise! We are at a grand total of….of…. $8000!!!!! I am stunned as I type that many zeros, you guys God is so faithful and I am just humbled and so grateful for your support. You are going to help save my life. I have my surgery at Stanford for sure this Monday, I’m not sure what time yet. I am so beyond blessed that they were able to squeeze me in, also Traci my amazing angel got a room donated for my parents for 3 nights while I’m in the hospital! The blessings just keep flowing and our God is so good. The surgery is on my face where they have to clear the margins and they will be doing a neck dissection, it will take an estimated 4ish hours. Praise God for your support! Thank you thank you a million times thank you.