Get Uncomfortable. July 9, 2015.

July 9, 2015

I got to see my grandma that we call Mame yesterday. I love that girl so so much I can’t even express it in words! Mame consider this a note to you. Mame, you are the most selfless and generous person I have ever met in my life. You give without seeking anything in return. You never hesitate to help the ones you love even if it is a sacrifice to you. You have shown your love to your family daily in various ways and I have been hugely impacted by your example to me. What a strong person you are and how dear to my heart you are. You have changed my life for the better. From Easter outfits, giant cartons of Goldfish, tea parties, my car, the chance to go to Europe, the opportunity to go to college, the most memorable Halloweens, and now as you help me fight for my life. You have radically changed my life Mame and I could never express enough gratitude. You are an amazing woman and I will seek to be as humble and giving as you are. Even when you are helping me you only express your gratitude for us. I love you a bushel and a peck!

To those of you who decided to read that, I hope you take something away from the kind of person you should strive to be! What an amazing example of unconditional and sacrificial love. That is the love our God has for us and that is the kind of love I will strive to show others. That is the love that changes and saves lives!

Today started off super stressful. I got reprimanded by one doctor, the next phone call told us that our insurance will not cover the cost of radiation if I get it in Seattle, and the third call was from Dr. Sunwu letting me know that they found more cancer on the MRI! I started off discouraged like I was bombarded with bad news. I got myself worked up and worried, offended and scared, not trusting that I will get the care I need and not trusting that God will be faithful to provide finances. Then I just paused. WAIT. First of all God is in charge of my care. Not the doctors, not the secretaries, not the nurses, sure they have pulled strings to get me into surgery and save my life but God made those appointments available. He is in control and the only way I’m not going to get the proper care by my standards and my human expectations is if God has a different and better plan. He is in control, He is faithful, He is loving, and He has begun a good work in me and will see it through to the end. Then I was reminded that God has been more than faithful to provide finances so if the insurance doesn’t cover radiation at Seattle then there are other options and it will work out! I truly was happier that they caught the other cancer via the MRI because now they can take that out during surgery as well. It’s in my salivary glands near my ear so it will add a few extra hours onto the already 4 hour surgery. You better suggest some good reading material or movies to my family as they wait! Praise God for technology and doctors with a keen eye.

I have to share with you first of all I want you guys to know that sometimes I make jokes about my situation not to be sick or hide from my true feelings, sometimes it helps me to be positive and lighten the mood! After Dr. Sunwu listed off the extra risk factors I now face, one of them was the small chance of permanent paralysis on one half of my face. I jokingly said to my parents, “Hopefully that doesn’t happen because I’ll be really sad if I never get married!” to that Dad responds, “At least part of you will be!” HAHA bad um tsch. For those of you who didn’t get it, if half of my face is paralyzed it will have a droopy sad face look. Sometimes you gotta enjoy those jokes!

I want to thank everyone for not only reading my blog but giving me feedback, input, and showing me how it has changed you or your perspective on things. This makes my heart so happy! God is using the gift He gave me of writing and the knowledge He gave me from my surroundings and His Word and I am so happy to see it impact people. We are up to 9,000 views! My goodness you all must have a lot of friends because I sure don’t have that many! Thank you for sharing this with others, you truly never know what sentence, what story, what verse, or what quote may help a person in their situation. That is why it’s so important to not let your insecurities hold you back. If I let my insecurities get the best of me I would have never even started a blog in fear of rejection or judgement. Be authentic, and be transparent. It gets uncomfortable you guys! And that’s okay! You never know what seed you will plant. You may say something and someone will despise you for it. Later as they change and mature or their circumstances change they may look back on that moment where maybe you felt uncomfortable and they may be impacted greatly. We have to trust that God will use our words for His glory. We may not like it, we may be afraid, we may never even see the impact. But if you never take that chance you’ll never impact anyone, and you will sit alone in your comfort.