Giving Up. July 22, 2015.

July 22, 2015

My Mom said to me this morning, “I was crying all morning. As a Mom whose precious daughter has Cancer you’d think it’s obvious that I’d be crying. But I wasn’t crying because you have Cancer. I was crying because I have been humbled to my knees by the kindness and support people have shown. It was a good cry and tears of joy!” I just smiled. I smiled because I could absolutely relate to her. In fact, I had cried that same morning for that same reason! People have stunned me. During this hard time in my life I would have never guessed I’d have half the support that I’ve received. It’s been so humbling and such a tremendous blessing! And you know what, so many of you have said, “No thanks needed, the best thanks you can give us is to fight.”

It’s really challenged me. I truly wish I could bottle up this feeling and sell it. The feeling I get every time someone messages me and says they are impacted and strengthened by my trial, that they decided to change their perspective that day, or that they see God in this when they haven’t seen God in a long time. I wish I could sell a cup of how my heart bursts with joy when I ask you to pray for me, when I receive a hotel room for the time I need it, when I receive a donation and I can have peace knowing that I can see the doctors that will save my life, when I meet a complete stranger that was brave enough to reach out to me. Instead I have made a promise, to bless others the way you all have blessed me. Instead of selling them the feeling, make them feel it! I want to live like I can’t take it with me. You have challenged me to be quick to serve others, to respond to the call for help, to give what the Lord has given me, to give without expecting anything in return.

I remember as a kid I was pretty stingy (that’s greedy, not like a bee sting). To this day it’s so hard to give with no strings attached. I mean giving with expectations isn’t truly being generous. Like “ Oh I’m going to give her the best birthday present this year so she feels like she has to get me something good.” Or “Oh I am going to give them the biggest donation because then they’ll see that I am just the kindest, more generous person and they’ll like me.”  Want to challenge yourself? Give something anonymously. I promise you it will reveal to you your true motives! It’s VERY hard for me to do that, I’ll be the first to admit that I love taking the credit, it just feels good and makes you feel like a good person. There have been a handful of times where I have given anonymously and it KILLED ME. I was always thinking about who they thought it was, if they had a clue it was me, or if they liked it. I would eventually start to break down and “drop hints” Well clearly my motives were not “no strings attached.” As I learn from those of you who either don’t know me or have done kind things for me anonymously I am convicted! I want to start practicing by doing something nice for someone every day and never reveal that it was me. It forces you to give for the other person, not for yourself. You do something kind for them and if they don’t know it’s you then you truly made their day better, in that your day should be better.

I’m not saying that I am less grateful to those of you who have done something for me or that you shouldn’t have put your name on it! Please don’t hear me wrong! And not all of you struggle with that. Some of you genuinely want to bless others and therefore you are blessed. But it is good to challenge yourself in your giving. In the end guess what, it all belongs to God. He gave it to us, He allowed us to have it. We need to be good stewards and show Christ in giving back to His people. We are called to help others, imagine a world full of stingy people who never helped each other out! Ew.

Update, thanks to Lori Burns and Rebecca Ezell Traci and I have a place to stay, so thank you! We are waiting to hear back from the volunteer pilots to fly us to Seattle. Pray that through the Cancer charity flights something would open up. If not we will let you know, thank you to everyone who offered to let us stay in Seattle! My lip is still on the struggle bus to struggle town and I’m trying to have patience. My face is healing quite nicely and I am slowly getting off the pain meds so my mind is much clearer. I love you all so much, please never stop letting me know how you’re doing, how you could use prayer, and how the Lord is using my trial to impact you. You have enriched my life and helped my fight!