Livin' on a Prayer. July 21, 2015.

July 21, 2015

It’s been interesting to receive so many messages, texts, and calls. So many people’s lives have been touched by Cancer in some way, some have never dealt with it before, and some are dealing with it currently. There have been some messages that say, ”Hey Hade I have no idea what you’re going through.” Or “Hey Hade I know my trial is small compared to yours.” I want to encourage you to not let a label make you insecure or uncomfortable. My trial right now is Cancer, it’s a big and scary title. But the truth is that God could be using Cancer to grow me in the same way He is using your dog dying, or your parent’s getting divorced, or school presenting itself as a challenge, and getting laid off of work. Don’t compare your trial to others, it will make you insecure. Maybe I shouldn’t ask her for advice because she might think that I’m dumb for having a hard time with the fact that I can’t pay rent but she has Cancer. I would love to offer her some support but I’ve never been through anything like she has. I would love to give her some encouragement or advice but I can’t even get through my summer with these rowdy kids and she’s dealing with Cancer. Do you see how this could make you fearful? The truth is God gave us wisdom through experience in different ways. I want to help support you as a sister in Christ whether your trial seems small or really hard. I want you to help support me as a sister or brother in Christ whether you feel like you can relate or not. I have been absolutely changed by those who have reached out to me to offer support, prayer, help, relation, or even just words of encouragement. Don’t let your comparison hinder you from reaching out to your brothers and sisters. We all have trials, none of them look the same but we have the same God whose ultimate goal is for us to be more like Him.

God is so faithful. You know I used to struggle with prayer a lot, even as I learned more and more about developing a relationship with God and not just live a religion. Prayer is the easiest thing yet the hardest thing. Here we can sit with our best friend and talk for 5 hours straight. Here we text our friends, snapchat, facebook, FaceTime, we are always flapping our gums. Yet prayer is something that we have to “set aside" , or "find time” to do? I used to have tons of insecurity about praying. What if I say the wrong thing or what if I don’t sound passionate or holy enough?  You know those people who are “good” at praying. The ones who use big, biblical words. The ones who not only say Jesus but also, Daddy, Holy One, God, Lord, Father, King of Kings, Alpha and Omega, I Am, and they just seem to know everything. Or the people who crescendo and decrescendo, or the ones who can go on for 10 minutes. I used to HATE circle prayers because I would sit there and rehearse what I was going to say in my mind. Praying was so hard for me because I would find myself getting distracted, then I’d get mad that I was distracted. I’ve learned over the past few years that there is no “right” or “good” way to pray. First of all, you can pray about anything. Here I was the other day praying that my FedEx package would be cheaper. There is nothing that God doesn’t know or can’t handle. Nothing is small or dumb to God, He is even faithful when it comes to mail, something I would have never prayed about! Second is that I’ve started praying in the moment. My Mom is a great example of this because she prays in the moment out loud. I used to kind of think it was weird, but wow it has truly changed my prayer life. Instead of saying I should pray about that later, even just in my head I say a quick prayer for the situation. There is no designated time that you have to pray. If you need to set some time aside then do it! I personally noticed that my drive to work is a great time, I turn the radio off and spend some time in prayer. Thirdly you have to pray without expectations. I know when we’re kids you pray with one eye open that you get a Barbie car and it never comes. Then we get disappointed and think that prayer doesn’t work. Hey guess what, God is not a magic genie in the sky people! Praying with expectation is selfish and not praying for the right motives. For example, I don’t pray that God will cure me of Cancer thinking that because I pray to Him every day that He’ll do it. I pray that God will use Cancer in my life to grow me to become more like Him and point others to Him. He may heal me, he may not. I hope that He does but I pray that His will be done and that He gives me the strength needed. Don’t pray with your own expectations, you will be disappointed. Fourthly believe in the power of prayer people! It’s actually amazing. It may not turn out exactly like you planned or in the timing you thought was best but God will answer your prayers in His way. Commit yourself and dedicate yourself to prayer. A simple prayer even, and see how it will change your life. It has sure changed my life and it has changed my Cancer journey for the better!

For those praying for me, I still need a flight for Traci and I to Seattle to see the specialist there. Also we still don’t have a place to stay there so prayers that the Lord would bless us with a flight and a place to stay! Also I have temporary paralysis in my lower left lip that Dr. Sunwoo is confident will heal over time, the quicker the less annoying! Thank you!