Diagnosed. June 26, 2015.

June 26, 2015

Today, I was diagnosed with Cancer. I have Cancer, it’s something I never anticipated saying or even thinking about but the doctor’s report is in. You know, as she was explaining that it was Merkel Cell cancer and its rare and has never been seen in someone my age I just had to chuckle to myself a little. Of course, the 1 percent girl is at it again! The fear and uncertainty of what lies ahead comes and goes in waves. Initially I was so shocked that I nearly fell to the ground. Cancer was just something that happened to other people, not here, not me, not now. But as I cried out to God and sought out my answers He gave me everything I could ever need. Let me tell you about how God took my bad news and made it better.

4 years ago my cousin JB took a job with at the Salvation Army Camp Redwood Glen. She didn’t know why and she tried to avoid it but God continued to call her back. Fast forward to February of 2015, JB had just accepted the job as a camp director of that same Camp Redwood Glen and had miraculously convinced myself, my sister, and two of my cousins to join her for the summer. During this time I had noticed a small bump on my left cheek. Nothing too big or noticeable I just dabbed a bit of makeup on it and moved on. As the weeks passed by the bump started to get a little bigger, still not anything that I was worried about. Finally I had some time to spend at home before I left for camp and the bump was now quite big and was making my face numb. My Mom found a plastic surgeon near camp and I went to her to have the thing removed. At the first check up she told me it was a Sebaceous Cyst and nothing to worry about it will just be a simple removal. I was given a shot of local anesthetic and the surgery commenced. What was supposed to be a simple 20 minute procedure quickly turned into an intense, hour long surgery. I passed out twice from the sounds of clipping and the smell of cauterizing! Then the doctor stitched me up and told me that she has no idea what the foreign specimen is or that it’s even benign. Talk about a traumatizing experience and not what I expected at all. Moving forward the specimen was sent to the Pathologist whom later reported inconclusive. More waiting, and recovering from surgery which actually was a really easy one! Praise God. So the Pathologist got back to me and said that he thinks it is a rare form of cancer and he wanted to send it to Stanford to get tested. So I was in shock for sure, like I mentioned cancer was not even a word that I entertained in my thoughts. The Lord answered my prayers and the Stanford report got back to me the next day! Unfortunately that’s when they told me that I had Merkel Cell Cancer. 

Now that was bad news, and a lot of back story detail. But I want to celebrate the intricate detail in which God showed His mighty hand. If JB hadn’t been called to this camp, and wouldn’t have asked us to come, then I wouldn’t have been able to go to Dr.Pletsch, and if I hadn’t gone to Dr.Pletsch then the specimen wouldn’t have been checked by Stanford and I most likely would have been misdiagnosed. That already just overwhelms me! Then Dr.Pletsch made a phone call to her oncologist friend Dr.Yen who got me in just a few hours later, he then got me connected to the hospital for labs and got me a PET scan for Monday. He is also a graduate of Stanford and was able to text the doctors there directly about my case. Later as I came home from the craziness of the day I found out that our nurse, Traci used to work as a nurse navigator to help Cancer patients walk through the entire process. She told me that she had no idea why God called her to the middle of the woods at a camp to be a nurse. I know why, God sent her to help me, and how blessed I am because of it. 

I was sitting and after the doctors, labs, information, and people, came to calm, I got scared. I decided to research Merkel Cell Cancer and educate myself and as my brain flooded with stats and medical terms, the computer froze. I just started weeping, and crying out to the Lord in fear. It was one of those guttural cries that you just need. After a few minutes I decided to distract myself so I turned the computer back on. It turned on but the screen was black and all of a sudden this song started to play and the lyrics were,

 “If my heart is overwhelmed

And I cannot hear Your voice

I hold on to what is true

Though I cannot see

If the storms of life they come

And the road ahead gets steep

I will lift these hands in faith

I will believe

I'll remind myself

Of all that You've done

And the life I have

Because of Your son

[Chorus]

Love came down and rescued me

Love came down and set me free

I am Yours

Lord I'm forever Yours

Mountains high or valley low

I sing out and remind my soul

I am Yours

I am forever Yours

When my heart is filled with hope

Every promise comes my way

When I feel Your hands of grace

Rest upon me

Staying desperate for You, God

Staying humble at Your feet

I will lift these hands in praise

I will believe

I'll remind myself

Of all that You've done

And the life I have

Because of Your son

Love came down and rescued me

Love came down and set me free

I am Yours

I am forever Yours

Mountains high or valley low

I sing out and remind my soul

I am Yours

I am forever Yours"

The Lord gave me a taste of peace and allowed me to bask in His hope and presence. I was reassured by those lyrics and by the song that He sent me and I was reminded that He is in control and He is my strength, He makes me brave.

Later I felt called to speak at campfire. I felt like God wanted me to see that He is going to use this to further His kingdom. I told the kids at campfire that I have cancer. I told them I was scared, and that its okay to be afraid. But I also told them that although I am afraid, I have joy and peace. I can find strength in God’s promise that He began a good work in me and will see it through to the end. That He works all things together for our good and His glory. That although I may not see it right now, God is going to use this, and good will come from it. And because of this I have been blessed to have hope. Hope is the most amazing gift the Lord has given us. Without Christ I would be hopeless and I would not be able to make it. He is my strength and He absolutely makes me brave. After I was done speaking the kids just embraced me. They surrounded me with love and comfort and just held me. God let me see His work within the first day of my battle with cancer.

On a lighter note I have to share this. As kids are embracing me and people are crying Teralee, this small, 6 year old red head on crutches, who reminded me of my sister Lesley tugs on my sweatshirt and says “Well, maybe you’ll be one of them who ACTUALLY makes it!” I’m going to let that sink in for a minute. It was so unfiltered that I couldn’t even be offended, instead I burst out in laughter and she’s right, maybe I will be.