Merkel Miracle. June 29, 2015.

June 29, 2015

Last night I told my Mom that the worst thing about having cancer was the fact that she made me eat a whole bowl of kale. Bleh, tastes like the smell of mowing the lawn! I told her that if she squeezed the kale into pill form then I’d eat it.  Even though I threw a 3 year old tantrum, I really am grateful to have parents that care enough about me to make me do things that they know are best for me even if I don’t like them. That’s a hard position to be in and a lot of parents choose smooth sailing over doing the right thing for their children. So thank you Mom and Dad.

I got my PET scan done today. Geeze they sure don’t warn you that it is one of the most boring things of your life! I mean it was kind of like how I imagine being in a dungeon would be. 2 hours of sitting still, no talking, no reading, no music, just you and your thoughts. I was thinking while I moved in and out of the tube machine, why would they want cancer patients to sit alone with their thoughts for 2 hours?! Good thing I’m not normal, instead of thinking about the trials ahead or the what ifs that come with cancer I sang songs, blogged, played baby tapes, thought about all of the messages I’ve received from you guys, I even watched YouTube in my head. I also fell asleep, that was awkward. I guess if I can fall asleep during a PET scan it’s safe to say I can sleep anywhere.

Oh you probably want the update on the results, that’s important! So I have to get another surgery on my cheek to make sure we clear the margins, they also saw some active spots lower in my neck that we will discuss. There is a small lesion on my lungs that we have to keep an eye on and there are several nodes in my abdomen that are larger than normal but weren’t hot on the PET scan. This is all information given to me by Dr.Yen but he is not the derma-oncologist. He has referred me to Stanford to see the experts. They will look at my PET scan and be able to discuss treatment options as well as tell me if the nodes in my abdomen are cancerous. So far I don’t want to say too much because we have not met with the experts yet. We have an appointment on Wednesday!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

Can I just tell you how baffled and humbled I am by you all! I mean for starters I have been blessed by an abundance of encouraging words, texts, likes, comments, shares, calls, you name it and it has been done. It has challenged me to make sure that I say what’s on my mind (good things) I thought about how many times I look at someone and think “Wow what an awesome servants heart they have” or “She has beautiful eyes!” These things seem so simple and we think these thoughts all the time, how many times do we actually let that person know? Most of the time less than half! What holds us back? Time, insecurity, awkwardness, shyness, etc. There have been so many people who have said so many awesome things to me and I never want to forget the way it has made me feel. I want others to experience the joy received from a kind word. I challenge you and myself to say the things you’re thinking. Let the girl you work with know that you love how she is always willing to do the odd job that you hate, or let the guy at the bank know that he has impeccable taste in ties!

I want to give a quick shout out to my nurse navigator Traci, she has the most caring spirit and she has sacrificed her time and work to help me as a friend. She is so awesome and puts up with so many questions! I literally texted her at 1 this morning because I was freaking out because I ate 2 cherries at midnight and I had my PET scan today. I had a nightmare that the cherries showed up on the PET scan as stomach cancer because I didn’t want to admit to the doctors that I ate them! What a funny text to receive at one in the morning, “I ate two cherries at midnight! Crap! Am I going to have to reschedule my test!?” I should start #cancerprobs.

I was thinking about Merkel Cell cancer, Merkel, I mean come on you guys cancer is already a horrible and disgusting thing to go through can’t you give us the pleasure of naming it something nice sounding? Like “I’m sorry to inform you Ms. Crebbin but you have a rare form of cancer known as Unicorn Cell Cancer.” At least I can wear that name proud! But, since I have Merkel Cell Cancer I found a way to enjoy the name a little. You know how there is that guy who says “’Murica!” in that weird slurred voice. I don’t actually know what that’s from but a kid in my high school used to say it all the time. Well if you use that same voice and slur it in the same way “Merkel” sounds like “Muricle” “MIRACLE” for those of you who didn’t catch that! I’m determined to be the Merkel Miracle!