Losing my Hair. September 8, 2015.

September 8, 2015.

Hope you all had a fantastic labor day! If I’m honest I had a pretty terrible weekend. Okay actually just a terrible Sunday and Monday…continue reading to find out why.

Sunday morning started off really well, the church we go to is amazing and the preacher is so on point and relate-able. Previous to church I had been kind of convicted about how I’ve been living the past 2 weeks. I’ve been too comfortable guys, I started to get into a routine with radiation and I started to kind of relax knowing that I’m doing all that I can to fight cancer right now. With that relaxation came comfort, but not the peaceful comfort, more of a lazy comfort. I began to take a vacation from life, from my walk with God, and from cancer. I wasn’t making time for juicing, praying, blogging, etc. Then I noticed that in this vacation mode my sin tendencies were magnified. I was getting impatient, defensive, annoyed, and angry. I was gossiping more and my insecurities and vanity were slowly creeping back in, I just started to fall back into the person that I don’t want to be. So I had a little conviction in my heart previous to the sermon, then the sermon did what any good sermon is supposed to do, it brought on the real deal conviction.

The pastor talked about how God uses sinners, he talked a lot about Peter and Paul as examples, but he said something that really stuck with me. He said “It’s not that we walk away from God, it’s that we aren’t walking in the gospel.” I don’t know what is was but the Lord used that sentence to seriously convict me for being on a vacation, sippin’ margaritas in my comfort zone.  I remember when I was a kid I heard a pastor preach about praying that God would push you out of your comfort zone to grow your faith and serve Him. He mentioned that your heart really has to be right because you might end up in Islam being killed for God, or something like that. In my little kid brain I was like, “No way am I praying that prayer, I don’t think I could die for being a Christian!” Now as I look back on it, I don’t think the pastor was actually saying that, instead he was alluding to the fact that if you pray for your faith to grow and if you want to be pushed out of your comfort zone, expect for the Lord to bring you through hard things. So I sat there in conviction and prayed for the Lord to push me outside of my comfort zone, to shake me out of vacation mode and allow my faith to continue to grow (I already have cancer, what’s the worst that could happen?!) (that’s a total joke by the way). I walked out of church feeling refreshed and ready to get back to business, little did I know that the business would begin right as I left the building.

I ran my finger through my hair, like always, I don’t know if I think it will help the style or if I just like the feeling of it, but this time was different, this time instead of my hand going through with ease, it came out with a giant chunk of hair. It was abnormal for sure but sometimes you just lose some hair, so I continued on. All day. Chunk after chunk fell onto my clothes, into my hand, onto the floor, everywhere. I was losing my hair. It gave me a flash back to the times I was a kid and I would lose a small pile of hair in the shower and sometimes worry that I have cancer. I mean hair loss is probably the biggest symbol of cancer in our culture. When you google cancer all that comes up is bald people. I wasn’t prepared to lose any of my hair, no one warned me. Remember how I prayed for the Lord to jolt me out of vacation mode? Yeah well I sat there and stared at the bald spot emerging on my head and I was reminded all so suddenly that I was indeed still sick.

I cried. The idea of a large bald spot on the side of my head wasn’t the reason that I cried though, I cried because I could now empathize with the thousands of cancer patients that lose their hair. I cried because society makes me and them feel ugly for losing hair.  I was faced with a choice right here, I could curse God for not only letting me go through cancer but now letting my hair fall out too, or I could realize that He was answering my prayer. I prayed for my faith to grow, and I prayed to be pushed out of my comfort zone, and here, he delivered. This was my Islam, (not extreme) but this was the next hard thing the Lord was going to bring me through.

With that I decided to move forward and embrace my new bald spot, so I found what I thought was a cool hairstyle to work it…

Part 2 of the story will be in the next blog so stay tuned for the second terrible day on my new website! The new blog has been in the works and it is coming tomorrow! Get excited peeps because it's a beaut!