July 10, 2015
Today I was pondering the past 2 weeks as I retold the past
events to several friends of mine. I think one of the hardest things about
trials is that we are forced to die to our expectations. If you think about it,
if we had zero expectations about how our life is supposed to be there would be
no disappointment or bitterness. We’d gladly accept things as they are and
anything above that would be considered a blessing. That’s been a very
difficult lesson throughout this trial. I expected to live until an old age, I
expected to get married and have kids, I expected to go live in my cute new
apartment, I expected to be a healthy 21 year old, I expected to wake up this
morning. My world has been turned upside down because I was living life
expecting all these things instead of being thankful for the blessing that each
of these things really are. How many times have I stopped to thank God for the privileges
of this life? How many times have I complained about my job, my family, waking
up early, or being hungry because the chef is taking forever? How many times
have I been bitter because a loved one was taken from me, or disappointed because
I didn’t get to move back to Spokane right away because I have Cancer? Our very
breath is a blessing. OUR VERY BREATH. Take a second while you are reading
this to take a deep breath in. That is not something you’re promised. Our very
life is not something to be taken for granted. Instead we can hope, hope for
the white picket fence life, hope for the career of our dreams, hope for enough
money to feed our families, and thank God when our hopes and desires are fulfilled.
Not curse Him when they aren’t. Expectation: a strong belief that something
will happen or be the case in the future vs. Hope: a desire for a certain thing
to happen. Had I not set my expectations on living until I die peacefully at an
old age, or moving to Spokane after the summer is over, or expecting that my
savings would go toward buying a new camera and not Cancer treatment, I wouldn’t
have faced disappointment. I hope that I live until an old age, I hope that I
get to eventually go back to Spokane, and I hope that one day I can upgrade my
photography, but guess what, if my hopes aren’t fulfilled, God is still God and
He is still good. He has a better plan for me and for my life. A plan in which
He knew when He placed me in my mother’s womb.
A really phenomenal counselor named Rick Thomas says that
expectation leads to disappointment, disappointment leads to anger, and anger
leads to bitterness. It’s a downward spiral to a really dark and hard place. I
encourage you all to think about what you expect for your life and work on changing
your perspective to what do you hope for your life? Hold those plans loosely;
better yet don’t hold them at all, give them to God and let Him carry them for
you!
It’s been amazing to me how many people have reached out to
me. I mean we’re talking people I’ve never met, people, people I haven’t seen
in 12 years, young, old, all different countries and all different walks of
life. So many people have said something along the lines of “I know we haven’t
talked really ever.” or “I’m sorry it took you getting Cancer for me to reach
out.” I’ve even caught myself thinking, “I’m sorry it took you reaching out to
me because of my Cancer for me to reach out to you!” At first I felt guilty,
like wow I need to be more intentional, I don’t want to only reach out to
people because they are having a hard time. But then I started thinking about
how realistic that is. I mean why is it a bad thing? I actually would venture
to say it’s not! God gives you different people in the different seasons of
your life for a specific purpose. Some are meant to be your best friends for a
long time, some are meant to be your lunch buddy in middle school, and some are
meant to give you words of encouragement during your trial. I don’t want you to
feel guilty that it took me getting Cancer for you to reach out! Being
intentional doesn’t always look like calling someone once a week, or getting
coffee once a month, or sending them letters letting you know you’re thinking
about them. I’d like to suggest that you should be intentional in that you live
a Christ-like life. The love that overflows from you will affect the people surrounding
you even if you didn’t write them a card. Your example and your life is what
affects people. I guarantee you that people will remember your character and
not if you called them every week. DO NOT get me wrong, being intentional,
going to coffee, sending cards, etc. is such a blessing and a very rare
characteristic. Those of you that I’ve
lost contact with over the years, I remember you for your character, for the
life I witnessed during the time that I knew you. That is what affected and
impacted me for the time that the Lord had you in my life. Make your life an
example, make your impact matter to those who know you for the season they know
you in. That should be your intention!
Update: I started a donation account at UMPQUA bank! For
those of you who don’t know how to work GoFundMe or don’t trust it then you can
go into Umpqua and give my name. Also if
you haven’t heard already there will be a walk-a-thon put on by the amazing
Nicole McNerney and Teri Taylor on August 30th at 1pm at Triad! Thank
you all again for being so kind and loving to me, the Lord has used each one of
you to impact me greatly. Love ya!
Love you ❤️
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