HELP WANTED. July 16, 2015.

 July 16, 2015.

Today hurts. I feel weary, exhausted, helpless, and in a lot of pain. The numbness has nearly worn off completely so I can feel the throbbing of each stitch and the pull of the drain in my neck. The pain meds don’t make the pain go away they just make me forget about the pain momentarily because I’m so dazed and sleepy. Literally right after I take the pill I am sitting there completely alert and paying attention to my surroundings then I will feel this dull buzz and poof, goner.

It’s humbling being in a position where you rely on others to help you with everything. This is something I experienced in the hospital first. The nurses were in charge of giving me my meds, helping me get to the bathroom, cleaning my body, helping me get dressed, all the things you are used to doing on your own. You don’t even have the strength to be stubborn and tell them you have it under control, because you really don’t. I was truly at the mercy of their help and hospitality and it truly makes the small victories like walking by yourself that much better. Now my care is in the hands of my family. Get yourself a good support system you guys, honestly they have been completely selfless in all this and willing to help me in every way. My Sister and Mom gave me a bath today. Now that’s not the most comfortable situation but sitting there while they worked together to help me was a really touching moment for me. Like sharing a good cry, being dependent on others for help really makes you vulnerable and makes all walls come down. I truly knew and felt in that moment that these two girls in my life would do anything for me and they love me unconditionally. In that same way my Dad meticulously cleaned every single stitch on my face with precision and gentleness even though it was a bloody mess. Why is it that we are always so hesitant to get help? We would much rather be stubborn and say no no I have it handled than allow others to extend a helping hand. Why is seeking help or accepting help looked down on as a weakness? I can’t tell you how many times during my Cancer journey so far that I have received help in some way and thought “Oh no I can’t take this” or “How will I ever repay them?” But how humbling it has been to receive so much help. It has not only been so enriching and fulfilling to be helped but it has taught me a lot about what it means to be a good helper to others. By not allowing others to help you, you rob them of the chance to pour into you and grow themselves. If for nothing else you have to let others help you for them. For example, it has been very hard for me to allow people to donate to me, my Aunt told me, “We have to do what we feel called to do to help you in any way we can. If something were to happen to you we want to have peace knowing we did our part.” God calls us to love one another, we have to make the choice to be selfless by helping others but we also have to choose to be selfless by letting others help us.

On that same track people don’t know you need help if you don’t ask! We aren’t all Edward Cullens going around reading minds. Don’t be embarrassed, or insecure about sharing your struggles so you can let the people that God placed in your life come around you. If we all kept our struggles hidden from each other then we’d never get help or be able to help others. Since I’ve decided to be completely open and honest throughout my fight with Cancer I have been blown away by the things people relate to, the help I’ve received, and the help I’ve been able to give. One girl told me that she was afraid to wear capris because of a scar and now after reading the blog she has the strength to wear capris. Now had I been ashamed and embarrassed about my scars and the struggle it is to have my face cut up then we wouldn’t have had that chance to help one another. Be transparent, allow others to help you carry your burdens, we were never meant to walk these things alone. Allow the Lord to carry the load and allow His people to help you in ways that will help them and help you. I have been blessed by the support and I have been completely transformed by the things the Lord has allowed me to see since the beginning of this trial.

I’m weary, I’m weak, I’m in pain, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m struggling. I need help from the people around me to even shower. But you know what, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I am still a fighter and I still have strength from the Lord to battle this and recover.

“You just call on me brother, when you need a hand

We all need somebody to lean on

I just might have a problem that you'll understand

We all need somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear

That you can't carry

I'm right up the road

I'll share your load”

Challenge yourself to pick one person today and ask them to help you with something you’re struggling with. Start small if you have to, or take a leap of faith. Let people surprise you. Love ya!