The BIG Picture. July 20, 2015.

July 20, 2015

Today was a really good day. I started off the day with French Toast which is just happy food that brings me warm feelings of childhood and all good things. Then we drove to Stanford where my favorite surgeon Dr. Sunwoo took out my drain and all my stitches! It was so freeing you guys, like how I imagine a person who gets a cast off for the first time, or when you get braces off, it’s just freeing. Surprisingly it was fairly painless which is an answer to prayer because I had a little anxiety earlier about there being so many. Dr. Sunwoo stated not once but twice that he is so pleased with how well I’m healing. Mom gives nutrition all the credit and wants everyone to understand that it’s the juice! I’m truly noticing a difference from being so healthy. I have more of a glow (no not a green alien glow from all the salad), I lost weight, I am recovering faster, my skin is a lot better, I have had zero bloating or stomach pains, no headaches, I’ve needed less sleep, I have more energy, and I’m sure there are more benefits that I’m forgetting but I’m embracing the lifestyle.

So just when I felt the day was at its peak greatness with the stitches and drain gone for good, I got a much better surprise. As I’ve mentioned before I was saving all my money to buy a camera because I really love photography. Well the Lord had a different plan when I had the first surgery (a minor in office one) costing a whopping $600. Like I mentioned before about dying to my expectations I had to really wrestle with this one. Here I was working hard, I had a plan to buy a camera so I could advance in what I thought could be a career. I was seeing one pixel in the grand scheme of God’s bigger picture. I was disappointed, sad, mad, and it felt unfair. I didn’t do anything to make the lump appear on my face so why should I have to pay to get it removed!? It felt different, you pay for a cavity because you didn’t brush your teeth, you pay for a broken leg because you jumped off the swing, etc etc. The injustice of it all was a hard pill to swallow. I remember crying in frustration to a good friend of mine and she, in her wisdom said, “Just remember how many times God has come through for you, you don’t see the bigger picture now but if you are faithful in prayer and if you serve and trust God He will provide in His timing and what He knows is best for you.” That brought me a lot of comfort and from then on I haven’t really mourned the loss of my potential camera.

So after I get my stitches out we drive to Best Buy to get a camera charger for a camera that my Moms friend gave us. I was so wiped out by then that I was just going to stay in the car and take a rest. My Mom come in the back of the car and says, “Come on you have to come in.” “No Mom I’m really tired and I don’t feel 100% I’m going to stay in the car.” “No no I don’t know what to get so you have to come help me, plus walking around is good for you.” At this my blood starts boiling. “Mom they aren’t going to have the charger you need, this whole thing is pointless and I just got my face pulled at leave me in here!” “No come on.” Mom says AS SHE HOLDS BACK LAUGHTER. At this point I was so annoyed. How could she be laughing right now? Why the heck is this funny? “Mom you’re treating me like I’m a 5 year old, why do I have to go in!?” “You’re acting like a 5 year old, just come on I need your help!” At this point I was so frustrated that I didn’t even have the energy to argue with her. I stomping out of the car, rage city style and I exclaim out of frustration from seeing my Mom laugh RIGHT IN MY FACE, “You don’t respect me!” Finally we get into Best Buy, I’m replaying the whole situation in my mind and just fuming. We get to the camera section to look for a charger I know isn’t going to be there and we are standing in front of a display case of gorgeous, high-end Canon cameras. *Lightbulb* We weren’t there for a charger. Emotions clouded my mind with excitement, hope, joy, guilt, and shame for the 5 year old tantrum I just threw. I started crying as I looked to my parents in disbelief. “An anonymous donor wants to buy you this camera so you can fulfill your passion.” I could feel my heart swell up and then almost crumble at the thought that someone would be so kind and generous. You know that saying that we use flippantly, “You made my day?” I could confidently say to you in that moment, “You made my life.”

God is incredible you guys. What a beautiful reminder that we truly don’t see the big picture. He gives us pixels, sometimes snapshots, but I encourage you to take a look at your own life, think back on times where you really struggled with something and try to see if you can find where God took that struggle and worked it into His divine plan for you. Use these examples in your own life so that next time you see a pixel, maybe it’s bigger like Cancer, you will find peace in saying, “God’s got this. It will be okay.”